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Thursday, April 21, 2011

DAY 3: Acceptance

12:06 am, April 19 was probably one of the worst mornings of my life. A friend, a brother, a cousin, a son was taken from us. I never really thought that I would cry for someone as much as I did for him. I did not cry as hard for my parents nor to any of my relatives who died. I feel bad that I didn't but then again, we do not really have such connection like what I had with Dax. I will never forget the time when he was my only friend, where in I felt so alone and loosing a battle. He challenged the way I think, we have the same tolerance with demented, psychologically disturbing movies, indie films, and share the same love of music genres. You can talk to him about any topic, and I mean anything from serious to crap about aliens, vampires and the netherworld. His thinking was unconventional, which never fails to annoy me. He does not hate anybody, and no matter how evil people look at you (or how truly evil you are, as a person) he always managed to see the good in you. I was furious of course, but I was proud of him. He was 42, died of Hypertensive Heart Disease.

The thing that I hate is the drugs. I wish I could have done something more. I wish I really got mad at him when I found out he was still taking it. I wish I always answer his calls and not to promise myself that I'll call him later and then forgot about it, and I wish I always ask if he is still taking his cholesterol meds, than just assuming that he is taking care of himself. I wish he was a godfather to my 2nd child, coming this december, but I guess he couldn't wait anymore for him/her.

Where are you now? Are you looking for your body? Are you in an A.U where in you were trying to get back to us? Are you really going to report back to me on what happens to life after death? Is purgatory and all that has been thought to us real? Are you peaceful? Are you going to be Dax and pull a prank on me even on the after life? I wish I could have said bye. I wish I could have said I love you. I hope you know we miss you.

Till then, this song is for you.

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